Of cats

Oh! this entry has been in the draft for ages, because I'm afraid I might talk forever when it comes to cats, but today I have to write something..

You know that you have to jaga 3 things;

Jaga hubungan dengan Allah;

Jaga hubungan dengan manusia;

dan jaga hubungan dengan makhluk lain.
---
Whoever knows me, will know that I love cats oh so very much. and anyone who has been to my house will know that I used to have 20 cats at one time. No kidding..

I don't know how it got started but Mummy never let us keep any of the cats. but I remembered coming home from school one day, at that time I was in form 3, when a small kitten followed me. I told the small kitten not to follow me because I know Mummy won't let me keep him but he followed me like we were destined. and the rest would be history.

From what I know, cats can be a good accompany. They never let me down. they know when I'm sad. they played with me. and when studying they'll sit on top of the book as if they know I don't like to study. kidding.

I can write you guys a book regarding to cats but I have a few named cats like Mimie, Coboy, Shumumu that were dearly close to me.

Agirl is the oldest cat in the house at the moment. she out-live her own generation. since she's very old and not really good with other cats, we let her sleep inside the house. and normally during Hari Raya she is the first to welcome you.

Recently this year, on the 17th of February (yes, my birthday), I received the most joyful birthday present; 3 little kittens. Nope, not from any of my friends nor neighbor, but Mak Hitam were pregnant that time and decided to give birth on the exact same day as my birthday. I was really happy back then. We named them; Hachi, Lassy and Snowy.

I favoured Hachi the most becasue Snowy is garang, and Lassy just plain sweet. Hachi likes to follow me around and never afraid of the people and the cars. but I never really get to know Hachi that much...

He died today. He was sick and we don't know why. Hachi, sorry for not paying enough attention, I love you so much and I think you know that. Thank you for being born on the same birthday as me and made me the happiest person that day, thank you for coming into my life, TQ sebab pernah membahagiakan dan menceriakan hidup ini. RIP.

In loving memory; 17022011-09052011.

*crying*

PS If you have a loving heart, please watch Hachi: A dog story and Marley and Me.

Some things are better left unsaid.

I am absolutely cannot sleep. thehe.
---
You know when people said bad things about you, because probably they don't get you, and you, in your smallest heart wanted to say some things to clear things out and to explain things making sure that everyone won't be misunderstood anymore, and then you come to a state where, you are tired of explaining things, and let things left unsaid, for better, even you know deep down you can make things clear and make everyone satisfied but not you?

I watched something on television the other day. there are this couple, who once happy together decided to be separated from each other not because they don't love one another, they just I reckon, lack of communication. they then decided to see therapist, for help.

therapist: what's the problem?

husband: we don't have any problems.*making faces*

wife:  he doesn't understand me.

husband: *making faces again*

therapist: why do you say that? why do you think that he doesn't get you?

wife: I've been so strong, in fact, stronger than before, not like any other person, but when I looked back, that is why he married me at the first place, he liked me because I was a strong person. but in fact, I am like any other person, any other girls, I cried, I need a shoulder to cry on, I want protection from him, I need someone who supports me and understands me.

therapist: what did you do, when you most need him?

wife: I just keep it to myself, hoping he'd understand when I'm quiet.

That's where it happens, most people don't communicate well, mostly with people they loved. and I know, being a woman, it happens all the time.

I remembered reading something on the net, called "carry me in your arms" and hope you'll enjoy it. it is understandable that most communication in this world comes from body language, up to 90%. but it is not wrong to say it once in awhile. but most probably some things in life, are better left unsaid.
---
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


---
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up!


Cherish people around you, mostly your parents and family. cherish the ones you loved and the ones that loved you. 


Have a nice day! 

for everyone's sake

..and for mine too. I'm doing everyone's a favor. and I hope it's a right thing to do.

Lord, give me strength. ameen.





from the bottom of my heart, I hope you'd understand. I think this is for the best.

You know where to find me aites? :P

Cheers!

Closure

.

I know how much you treasure friendship, and how important your friends are to you and if you'd favor your friends over me, then it's okay. just please my dear friend, let our friendship remains eternity.

"If loving you meaning to let you go, and should you return, it is meant to be and shall you not return, it was never was, never is"

"I'm sure going to miss you"



"We started out as strangers, we met, we fell in love, and finally we ended up as strangers again"

With Love

From Paris, with love :)

If you love me, really love me?

enjoy!

PS tak boleh tidur, esok dah nak balik Malaysia, doakan semuanya baik baik, insyaAllah :)

Smile

Today I just lost a friend. and it feels like being slapped for a hundred times. Ouch!


Thank you for the bad mouthing behind my back, after these while. you're forgiven.

and thank you for everything.

Sorry for the things I've done to you accidentally and vice versa. from the bottom of my heart, I seek forgiveness, for I may not be perfect too.

Indeed, it's true when one says life is touch and go. the ones that matters stay.

Up until now I'm not sure why you seemed to hated me that much. urm. 

If it is about him. Well, to be honest, I love him. I love him. I love him. Yeh! I don't know what the future holds for both of us, but I love him. and if you were a good friend, you would have at least support me or him.

No worries, you can smile now, 'cause it's over between me and him.

but like I said before, "Untuk menjaga hati satu dunia, you decided to hurt the ones you loved" 

It's pretty normal actually. best of luck! :)

Silly, I even told everyone, I'm the happiest person on earth today.

Lagenda Budak Setan

I'm a HUGE fan of Malay Movies. Believe it or not. As a Malay and also a Malaysian I think I can relate to some of the Malay Movies out there. C'mon, the scenes occured  mostly in Malaysia, the culture, the way-of-life and of course the jokes that I think you cannot find elsewhere. Cut it short, try living in Overseas for 2 years and tell me to my face that You Don't Miss Malaysia! ;P

Yesterday, I did something that I've never done before. I went to Alamanda alone to watch Lagenda Budak Setan. After work around 5pm I drove to Alamanda, gambling and praying that at least I get a seat. As I reached Alamanda, I went straight away queue-ing, hoping to catch the 8pm slot. Then they went red and selling fast and I feel like crying. But at the counter, when I asked for Lagenda Budak Setan, they said, "Akak, you're watching it alone?We still have the 5.30pm slot and we think you might make it ". So I did watched Lagenda Budak Setan at 5.30pm and I don't miss a thing. It wasn't that bad after all, watching it alone.

Nah, I'm not gonna tell you guys the whole story, go watch it yourself. Personally, I think it worth every penny. Now all I need to do is try to find the novel and have a glimpse of it. The movie probably not as good as the original novel itself but...if you're a malay movies junkie like me, you might just love it. I might go for a second round, anyone?

Oh! the best part of the movie I think is the OST. They repeatedly playing the song during the movie, many times, and I swear to God I can hear the whole cinema was crying when they played it. Oh, here it goes, enjoy~

It was raining cats and dogs yesterday, I think probably God knows what's in my heart aye? ;)

A bird may love a fish Signior, but where would they live?

I know it's gonna be a bad day today when I woke up with a terrible headache that I can't seem to shake, and I know for sure it's gonna be a bad day today when I arrived at the office and checked my emails.

*tears*

Then I remembered talking to a friend yesterday about something like this...

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There's this man, a good man,  a man of low profile who normally does things in silence and does not care much about others, very new in the industry, very innocent-looking, down to earth and things like that - I hope you get the picture. And yeh the other point is he's not from the city, he's not a city-boy. He's a Kampung-boy. A very proud one.

He applied for a job at this one company, huge one in KL and he got it. He was happy. Very. He wants nothing else but to work hard and change his life and his family. He has a goal in his life and I think he knows where he's going.

Long story short, at work he met someone. A girl, a very sweet girl. A girl with confidence. easy going and pleasant to be around her. Almost everyone loves her. Almost. But she's a city girl who loves to party every night. She goes clubbing and dancing all around. Oh! She loves to dance. Oh well, she's a city girl, what do you expect.

In a short time, they connect. They connect very well indeed. Seemed that they have a lot of chemistry going on. They can talk about almost everything. They laugh their lungs out. telling silly jokes all the time. watching each other's back and yeh! 'mereka senang bersama'.

Judging from the girl's background, now he knows why she's partying out there and looking for 'the soul'. But he listens, he listens carefully and never judge. Many times, the girl said that she wanted to find 'Hidayah' and live a calmer life, he smiles when he heard that from her. He knows deep down inside she's normal and she is as good as anyone else.

Six months later, he got a call from home. Outta blue he needed to quit the job because his family needed him to go home. She talked about pros and cons of leaving the job, about what's gonna happen to the future and about things he'll be missing out when he quits the job. but eventually he did.

A week after, he realised that he misses that place and suddenly something warm falling down his cheeks. At that time he knows he likes that girl, the girl he won't be able to see for a very long time.

They still keep in touch thru emails asking how's it going and things like that. He was happy. very happy. they've met once or twice and catching things up.

Yeh. He likes this girl. No question asked.

One day, he received an email from that girl telling him that she's now happy with someone else. someone she thinks she's comfortable with. He did not reply to her email. He did not know what to say.

After a week or two, he decided to meet up with her.

Him: How's it going?

Her: I'm happy.

Him: Oh! Congrats

Her: Thankie.

At home, he wonders what if he told her about his feelings but then he remembered a saying "A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?" but no harm of trying aye?

later that girl texted him saying that " that man I choose reminded me so much of you"

---

Pathetic isn't it? I don't have a clue why I even bother writing this down...

Hye! wish you all the best in life ;)

I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind...

Love is... the reason we're here on earth! ;) Somebody once told me, to write well, you need to write what you know and this is what I know. I'm 25 years old this year and I've never been in love. I can tell you any love stories in the whole wide world based on movies I've watched and stories I've read, I can tell you what people had told me - they're on cloud nine, they're walking on water, and I can tell you anything you wanted to know but on love I have zero. Nothing to talk about, maybe there were few crushes and likes and things like that but no love, I don't think so.

And then I remembered writing something on love, 10 years ago. I was forced by my English teacher to write anything on love 'cause at that time he thought I wasn't being open up ENOUGH and things like that - bricks by bricks. I still kept the original essay and here it goes. Enjoy ;)

---
Love~

I don't really believe in love. I usually look at love as heartless, heart-rending, heartache, heartbreak or something which is a waste of time. But sometimes, somehow I just can't stop myself believing that love is serendipity. I agree that love has something to do with fate and destiny. I totally disagree that you have to go out to find your true love because when the day finally comes you will know that she or he is the one you've been waiting for. She or he is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, forever and ever. But to get to that day that everyone has been waiting for, first you have to have faith in fate and destiny. I always believe that there's someone very special out there just for me in case he's still available, not Alicia's favourite guy and definitely not Marion's steady boyfriend nor any girls' precious husband. Is there really someone out there for me? Are we really meant to be together? Do I really have a soulmate? Or you're telling me that all I believe or hope or wish for is just a fantasy or a fairy tale just to cheer me up.

As a teenager, first thing that pops into my head about love is relationship between male and female, boyfriend and girlfriend. At this age you start to have a strange feeling towards the opposite sex. That's not all because love is universal. Everything in this entire planet is involved in love and of course human beings inclusive. Love grows among fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, cousins, grandmas and grandpas in a family. A person who has so much love for animals is called a pet-lover. Their pet will always be their best companion. Nature is always a part of us. A nature lover will always ensure that the environment is protected. Can you imagine what the world would be like without any country? As a citizen we should have love for our own country. A patriotic person always shows love of one's country. Love also grows between husband and wife. Without them we're not suppose to be here. Love for your teachers doesn't mean that you're in love with them because you're attracted to them. It is to show appreciation for being such a dedicated teacher. Not forgetting love for a friend that is always there for you. Love is friendship.

What is love all about? Love is a strong feeling or emotion of deep affection for somebody or something, says the Oxford Dictionary. Love is also not a bed of roses, somebody always gets hurt. It is either you're the one who gets hurt or the other side gets hurt because of you. It is a very common situation but depending on the individual how they deal with heartbreaks. Have you heard? It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Well, this is life! To fear love is to fear life and those who fear life are already three parts dead. So when your hearts not in it, just please don't try to fake what you don't feel. Calf love also known as puppy love is a crush on somebody you like when you're in high school. This is the first time when you experience something new, something interesting. This is also the first time you get to know life better.

There's no place that far that love cannot reach. When it comes to liking someone, love knows no bound. Have you seen a Malaysian married to a German and still they live happily ever after? Of course they click on account of true love. Love is blind. No matter what age you are, how awful you look, what language you speak and how smart your I.Q are, is no longer a problem to love. When you're attracted to someone, beauty is not a concern. Nowadays people go for intellectual, less for sexual. Love exists when there's pity and concern for somebody or something. Cats for example. Everyone's looking for that something, that something is love, integrity and understanding, something that makes it all complete.

True love happens when you're willing to sacrifice for your love one. It is like a prince charming saving a lovely princess. You're willing to share everything, willing to tolerate, to criticize and able to change for good. Never say 'I love you', if you don't really care, Never talk of feelings, if they aren't really there. Never hold my hand, if you mean to break my heart, never say forever, if you ever plan to part, never look into my eyes, if you're telling me a lie, never say hello, if you think you'll say goodbye, never say I'm the one, if you dream of more than me, never lock up my heart, if you don't have the key. These phrases show how important true love is to me, to you and to everyone.

Everyone needs love. Love is something you share with others. If love's not that important, why is there one day or special day to celebrate love especially on Valentine's Day? War starts when there's no love. Love will make you happier and not too lonely. Love teaches you about ups and downs in life, to be more mature. Love makes you a better person. Love is not only by saying "I love you", it is showing how much you care about someone for example helping your mother in the kitchen. Remember there's no greater love than a mother's love. A really simple line can make you laugh or cry.

It is therefore understandable when one says, life with love is full of thorns and life without love has no roses. It's a fact that you have to deal with and face it. Each and everyone of you will experience love no matter how rough or good it will turn out to be. So there you are, love while you still can before the fire of life is shuffled out of you and when remorse and regret is of no consequence anymore. Confess, confess what's there to lose. When pride and ego's forsaken, you might never know, he might love you too. She or he, might feel the same way for you.

Written by,
NHC
(Ex-5 Budiman)
---

As I grew older, I guess that love waits for no man and as for that you just cannot sit and wonder where the hell is he or she, you really need to go out there and start looking and searching for the one. God knows, he might be in front of you, he or she might be your best buddy, your ex-schoolmate or some random guys working at your office. Gee, if you love somebody, set him or her free because if he comes back, he's yours and if he doesn't, he never was~

Cheers!

One-sided Love

The greatest pain that comes from love, is loving someone you can never have

It's So Hard

I love to read ;) esp I love reading stuff from Becca Woolf. She writes so beautifully from the heart. She writes mostly on stuff like 'breaking up' - she's good at it. maybe that's why I love reading her stuff. mainly because I love reading sad stories and stuff like that. most people will go for horror stories or love stories but I prefer sad stories because I believe not all can feel sad. It's 3am in the morning and I'm sharing with you my most-ever favourite poem from Becca Woolf ever since I was fourteen. Enjoy ;)

It is called... It's So Hard~

It's so hard to say 'I love you' and not draw back in tears,
It's so hard to know that you're not there to help me face my fears,
It's so hard to know the phone's at reach, but I cannot hear your voice,
It's so hard to know that this time breaking up was not my choice,
It's so hard to see you laughing when I'm crying deep inside,
It's so hard to just find feelings and now have to make them hide,
It's so hard to live without you, when I need you more than words,
To want to scream how much I love you but hold back and not be heard,
It's so hard to go to sleep at night when I cannot dream of you,
It's so hard to think that you might fall in love with someone new,
It's so hard to not start crying when I hear your favourite song,
It's so hard to sit and wonder, where did I go wrong?
It's so hard to live without you, if I only would have known,
I will never love another, I would rather be alone.

Becca Woolf

As much as It's so hard to write it down - all together, I just hope that you guys know that It wasn't easy aye?

Good-Bye

And so it comes just as it is
a day no longer here
and through my trembling fingertips
the memories of the year
I wave farewell to all our dreams
I will forget you never
I wonder if our crazy times
will stay with you forever
But as I cry in pain of losing
My dear and such good friend
I will not close the book and say
"Farewell this is the end"
for good-byes create swift hellos
and days from now you'll see
that though it hurts to say good-bye
your friend I'll always be ;)

Becca Woolf.

Letter 3

Dear You,

I don't know where to start. I don't know what went wrong.

*crying*

I'm sorry if I ever made you sad. I'm sorry if I'm not good enuff for you. I'm sorry I had to go away. I'm sorry I'm not always there. I'm sorry for not being a good friend. I'm sorry I pretend not to care. I'm sorry I don't let it out. I'm sorry if I'm wrong. I'm sorry that I like you so much.

You've changed. I know, everyone does. But I don't feel like I know you nemore. And I think I'm losing my long-lost-friend.

*crying again*

But I know,

You're Happy now - with her. Congrats. If that makes you happy then I'm Happy for you. Please take care of her. Don't ever hurt her. Promise me?

Could you do me a favor?

Please jangan tunjuk sangat that u're happy - at least not for now. I've been fighting so hard to let you go. It's not easy, please understand.

*Saket*

Thank you again for the short time.

Take care my dear friend.

I wish you well ;)

From the bottom of my heart.

Letter 2

Dearest Friend,

I know I should not be writing you this and this is something that should be forever left unsaid but I cannot keep it any longer and I think...

...I'm in love with you.

YES! I like you for who you are.

**giggles**

Letter 1

To Whom It May Concern,

I don't have the guts to tell you this face to face and I don't think you even care.

that is why I am writing you this,

I just keluar dari relationship yang tah hapa-hapa three months ago. I don't need to define 'tah hapa-hapa' here sebab ia bukan lagi important to me. not nemore. two or three months ago. see, I don't even remember. But then, you came along. you brought sunshine into my lyfe. i was happy then. so happy that i let you in. you told me in the end everything is gonna be alrite. everything happens for a reason.I still remember, word by word.

You may not notice this, but I am very thankful that in some ways you helped me went thru everything. for that I thank you ;)

I love you my dear friend.